This bird has flown around the bend!

This riddle– ”life has no purpose” –is one that isn’t so easily solved for a single man, well into middle-age, who has few if any friends and is more or less alone in the world. He came to this point neither by mistake nor overnight.

He has a little money, so he attempts to shake things up by quitting his job (which he didn’t like all that much anyway) and “letting it all hang out”: doing the things he enjoys, living like a retiree; basically trying to “prime” his life like a pump–pouring a little happiness in from the outside to see if that will get the happiness going inside.

He tries. He prays. He allows his love for a woman to have a purchase in his life even though she doesn’t meaningfully reciprocate. He gets professional help and gets on a strong daily dose of psychotropic drugs. He gets involved in his community. He starts to write a book. He tries engagement groups. He makes improvements in his life: fixes up and redecorates his home. He treats himself to special “gifts”: a new stereo for his pickup truck, some new suits, et-cetera, et-cetera. He takes long walks on the dead-early-mornings (which is a 20-minute walk away) at least once and usually twice a day.

He knows that he “has it made,” and just about everybody else in the whole world would kill to be in his situation.

But it’s not so simple. He was a “problem child” who grew into a “problem adult”: clinically depressed and most definitely not really plugged into the same reality as most others. He doesn’t understand most of what he sees and hears.

He’s very highly educated, very talented, has a “gifted” IQ and is accomplished in three different professions. He was earning his own way before he could read and is no stranger to hard work. He’s worked for three years and gone to distance-study simultaneously.

He has pro-actively tried to find a solution to this life-long issue. He’s religiously attended spiritual group meetings. He’s tried to “make something happen.”

But it hasn’t worked. When he was younger he could bounce back; tomorrow always had a promise. But he’s approaching his mid 50s now, and tomorrow has broken all of its promises. He’s tried it all: “positive mental attitude,” “get busy to get better,” et-cetera, et-cetera, et-cetera, and he’s still pushing that same boulder up that same mountain, and he’s tired: tired of trying and failing, and the only thing that keeps him putting one foot in front of the other and plodding aimlessly through life is his basic, organic will to survive: the same thing that makes single-celled organisms eat and reproduce.

What’s the solution? How about a fling with a younger woman? How about a long trip? How about a job working as a school teacher or an amateur lecturer ?

He figures he ought to just go back to work, but he can’t find a reason why he should. He’s standing at reality’s porous border, and he feels like he could take one little step and fade into unreality without anyone noticing. He knows he could die in his redecorated, fixed-up home and nobody would know until his body started to decay and stink.

He’s afraid to have faith because he’s had it before. He’s afraid to “make something happen” because he’s done that before with really bad results. When he prays that God’s “will be done,” he wonders exactly what he’s bringing on because God’s will, which is not always kind to human beings, is beginning to scare him.

He’s not suicidal, but dying seems so easy and living seems so hard.

He sees that things are important to other people: tasks to accomplish, goals to reach, people to see. He feels he must be missing something as plain as the hand on the end of his arm. He will see it any day now . . . any day now.

When life has no purpose–when life really has no purpose–all the well-worn platitudes in the world won’t work. A man can hack his own path or build his own bridge through life, but if he hasn’t a place to go, and he keeps hacking and/or building anyway, thinking a place–a destination–will emerge, but one doesn’t, well, he stops. He puts down his tools, and he looks around and tries to make some sense out of all he has done and all that has happened to him, and finds it makes no sense at all. If he had never existed, that’d be one less grain of sand on an endless beach, and what difference would that make?

~ “A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free” ( Nikos Kazantzakis )

2010 = 'Hibernation turned on'

Hibernation is a state of inactivity and metabolic depression, characterized by lower body temperature, slower breathing, and lower metabolic rate.

That is a dictionary definition of hibernation. How does it apply to me ? I was in a period of "Materialistic hibernation", 2010 was the year !

To be honest anyone reading this post would take me to be a nut-case or irresponsible & confused idiot, and (this might be going overboard :P ) for the girl who is looking for a possible partner-in-all mould in me, you're gonna hate this.

2010 was the final member on the 2000's decade-list, and a year worth remembering for me (when I grow really old) as one where I made impact-decisions and probably in your language 'executing stupidity'.

This is going to be a peek back into the past and contemplating(smiling) on the money and resource(time & effort) involved in carrying out a self-deception and jumping-platforms to avoid contact with myself !

December 2010 - Vagabond version 2.0: Backpacked to Kerala 2 weeks at : Ernakulam, Kochi, Kottayam, and Alappuza. This was more exciting as here I landed in a place where I do not understand the local language !

November 2010 - Drifted to Chennai, and got to meet this strikingly beautiful lady, a divorcee - a life changing experience. And an old-foe came back to haunt my thoughts of my career that were lingering at back of my mind and so, I decided to get dirty & experimented my career-track on SAP-ABAP and hence joined training at SIEMENS, Chennai - which cost me about 0.375 million INR. The result was pretty impressive, I am now a 'Certified SAP Associate', and got interview calls from SIEMENS, Mahindra-Satyam, Amazon, Cognizant & CSC and I didn't take them simply because I wanted some time to ease around & I was not ready to switch into a 'money-making-machine' overnight. Hence kept idea of getting back to my Career as a 2011 New-Year resolution!

October 2010 - Vagabond version 1.0 : Backpacked to Coastal Tamilnadu 3 weeks at: Tanjore, Nagapattinam fisherman villages, Nanillam, and Rural-Trichy - on foot, carts, bike, bus and train !

It was an experience of common-man (about 80% of people on this planet), you land somewhere in middle of night and have nowhere to go or like you are in urgent need to use toilet and all you can see are empty fields and water-canals !

*Darn Amazing*

My diary has been flooded with all the emotions (both ugly & beautiful) I could capture within self during this ride.

September 2010 - My life was at a fork (with four ends or more ..):

• Continue the efforts on taking the Post Graduation
• Shut-up thinking and get back to the industry using previous work experience, 3.5 years was a pretty good bet (but the idea as whole was not appealing to me)
• Look for alternate technologies and shift the previous work experience (Electronics, SAP, Java or whatever .. keep thinking)
• WTH else was there to do ? become a vagabond, kill the money & technology, lost from friends & parents (for that brief period !) - This was an idea that seem adventurous and I acknowledged this whisper that came from the back of my mind. I threw away my mobile, plastic-cards, and packed my bags for a series of hitch-hiking with Marx, Engels, Nietschze, Freud, Imran Hosein, Machiavelli & Muhammad Asad joined me on both the journeys.

August 2010 - Life is not all that you run behind for a rich-lavish and carry out the biddings of the society imposed on you: School-Education(which sucks by the way!), A Course for Big Career, A Career for Big-Money, Big money to fill your bones in golden coffin. This is self-deception, and Money sucks big !

I was in a difficult situation of making choce : either ignore my inner-voice to live this robotic-materialistic-life "or" break the stereotype and follow in the quest in soul-searching. I was undecided !

July 2010 - It was a strange feeling, usually this kind of situation would have left an impression of sadness on anyone else - It seems I was not among that 'anyone', It was like a deja-vu instead !

It seemed like an instant in present time-frame had happened to me again & again a million times in past. This month passed with marking my 26 years of life on this planet and an eye-opening & soul-awakening incident. My dearest uncle & aunt, both died in an accident.

June 2010 - By this time I had invested a lot (a lot really !) into the quest for Post-graduation: and if by any reason I were to back-out from this quest, that is 70000 INR going up in smoke literally & it happened :)

• My health failed me at most critical stage, I was diagnosed by digestion disorder and typhus. It was a "Pop" and everything vanished right before the eyes. (The atempts from my side to negotiate with the School for next-intake failed, my fee was paid-back with some cuts from the School).

May 2010 - Was offered scholarship on MBA from Kingston University (AMBA cluster) and was running high on plans and ideas; Would never have imagined that they could come to halt (but with a much-needed, intellectual & mature twist of circumstances)

April 2010 - I was offered a Dual-Masters from another top Singaporean University for June'10 admission- was surprised & eleated in these few weeks, and was in full swing of getting into check-lists, economics, visa application and stay etc.

March 2010 - My GRE & TOEFL mark-sheets reached home, Applied for MS in Logistics in Singapore(What was I thinking ! seriously ). I was Rejected!

February 2010 - I quit a job from one of the top most MNC that was paying me more than half-a-million per year. GMAT & MBA were on the menu.

January 2010 - That's when and where it all began ! :D

I was not impressed with the direction in which my life was shaping up, and decided to look for some change - a Post-Graduation ? or moving to a different Career/Industry. There was a surprise in waiting, and my life unfolded in front of me, and there was a whole new perception was installed on the quesion of self, world & social-responsibility.

If anyone do needs help on 'How to trash half-a-million?' - I am here for you :)

~ If I had a little less respect for money, I would not mind pissing on it.

Towards Materialistic Horizons

Materialism is a dirty word. It also gets a bad rap in psychology. Studies consistently show that people who agree with statements like "You will buy things just because you want them," tend to be:

* Less satisfied with life,
* Less happy,
* More likely to be depressed,
* More likely to be paranoid,
* More likely to be narcissistic.


Not a pretty picture, right?

But, just like studies examining the connection between success and happiness, many of the findings are correlative. As a result we can't say for sure that materialism causes all these things, only that they're associated. So, for better evidence, cue the experiment.
Experiential versus material purchases

Leaf Van Boven from the University of Colorado and Thomas Gilovich from Cornell University carried out an intriguing experiment that gets at this question of whether materialism results in less happiness (Van Boven & Gilovich, 2003).

They randomly divided students into two groups and gave each group slightly different instructions:

1. This group was asked to write a description of a material purchase that had made them happy. Material purchases include things like clothing, gadgets, computers and so on. This could be either something they had bought themselves or that had been bought for them.
2. The task this group had was only slightly different. They were asked to write a description of an experiential purchase that had given them pleasure. Examples of experiential purchases are meals out, admission tickets to concerts and travel.

To see how they were feeling in the moment, participants were given surreptitious measures both before and after writing these short descriptions. Then, after about a week, the same participants were given back their own descriptions of their purchases and asked to reflect on it. Again, they were asked to report on their feelings in the moment.

Comparing these two groups provided a way of comparing how participants felt about two different types of purchases. The results showed that participants felt better when they were contemplating their experiential purchases than their material purchases.
Thinking about experience

As a result of this experiment, Van Boven & Gilovich predicted that people spend more time overall contemplating their experiential rather than material purchases. To test this out they asked participants to think about experiential and material purchases they were particularly happy with. Then they were asked which they thought about more often. The results clearly showed it was the experiential purchases people thought about more often (83%).
Why do experiences fare better than possessions?

It seems, then, that at some level we understand that our experiential purchases give us more pleasure than our material purchases. But why is that? Van Boven (2005) suggests three reasons:

1. Experiences improve with time (possessions don't).
The reason why experiences improve with time may be because it is possible to think about experiences in a more abstract manner than possessions. For example if you think back to a fantastic summer from your youth, you might easily remember an abstract sense of warm sunshine and exuberance, but you're less likely to remember exactly what you did day-by-day. On a moment-by-moment basis you might have been quite bored, although you'll tend not to remember that.

Material possessions are harder to think about in an abstract sense. The car you bought is still a car, that great new jacket you picked up cheap is still just a jacket. It's more likely the experience of that summer has taken on a symbolic meaning that can live longer in your memory than a possession.

2. Experiences are resistant to unfavourable comparisons
It's well established that social comparisons can have a huge effect on how we view what might seem like positive events. One striking example is the finding that people prefer to earn $50,000 a year while everyone else earns $25,000, instead of earning $100,000 themselves and having other people earn $200,000 (Solnick & Hemenway, 1998).

In other words it's not about how much we earn, it's about how much we earn in comparison to other people. It's the social comparison, then, not the actual amount of money, that affects how we feel about our earnings.

A similar effect is seen for possessions. When there's so many flatscreen HD TVs to choose from, it's easy to make unfavourable comparisons between our choice and the others available (check out Barry Schwartz on why too much choice is bad for us).

Experience, however, seems to be more resistant to these sorts of unfavourable comparisons. To explain this phenomenon, Van Boven puts forward the idea that it is because of the unique nature of experience. It's more difficult to make an unfavourable comparison when there is nothing directly comparable. After all, each of our youthful summers is different (even if only a little).

I also think it's hard to really compare our own experiences with those of other people. Comparing possessions, however, is generally easy.

3. Experiences have more social value
There are two reasons experiences have more social value than possessions. First, experiences tend to encourage social relationships and increased social relationships are good for our happiness. Second, it is more socially acceptable to discuss our experiences with others. People who bang on about their possessions are considered much less likeable than those who talk about their holiday adventures.
Limitations

Of course, it has to be acknowledged that this type of research is at an early stage. Van Boven points to a couple of potential problems yet to be investigated:

1. The experiments examined here looked at short-term emotions - will these short-term emotions add up to long-term happiness?
2. Highly materialistic people might actually get more pleasure out of material purchases than experiences.

Materialist dilemmas

Despite these limitations, it seems that along with experimental evidence, there are also some good psychological reasons why experiences are more likely to make us happy than material possessions. On top of this, at some level we do seem to understand that experiences probably beat possessions in terms of happiness.

Set against this is the fact that we clearly live in a society awash with materialism, where objects are valued way beyond their possible contribution to our happiness. So how can this conflict possibly be resolved?

One answer to this question is that while we're likely to think that other people are materialist, we defend our own purchases as necessary and at worst, indulgent. After all, materialism is a dirty word. A dirty word that's on everyone's minds.


~ Thanks: www.spring.org.uk

Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.

The world is a sea of pretentions.Fools pretend to be intelligent , cheats pretend to be honest , foes pretend to be friends, and all of us go through such stress trying to be what we are not.
We are so mindful of what others think of us.We fear hate and rejection.

But what i have learnt so far is that trying to please anyone is like trying to move a mountain.There are very few people who are really happy with one's success.Whenver someone has achieved something , with the exception of their family and close friends,I doubt people have really felt happy for them .

Hence, I have acquired this care-a-less attitude about what others think of me.I hate to pretend and try to be my own self.Its difficult but once you acquire this ,it can be the most comforting and liberating attitude to have.But I right now do not worry about how many people will be around when bad times come upon me.

Its easy to be the centre of attraction with people around you,cracking jokes and sharp ,witty one liners..or nonsense speech (esp. in college).

What is difficult , is to find a person to talk to when you dont have any joke to crack.Its easy to gather "friends" for the party a birthday-goat throws , what is difficult is to find a friend who will listen and comfort you when you fail the exam.

Its easy to find people for company for a stroll in the garden , what is difficult is to find a friend to accompany you during a hard trip under a burning sun.

I do realise that there will be times in my life when there will be such situations, everyone'll have to make this hard trip,when they have no wit/jokes to entertain anybody,when

they would have failed.

It is in these times when a true friend is needed.And for this true friend , you would not need to pretend.The friend would not need you to be someone he/she desires,but would accept you for what you are.

Who would like me not for being at an MNC, not because I have a good job,not because I am a "so called" an achiever but would like me for what I am , and not for what I have done or not done.It is so very difficult to find such a person , but to find him/ her , you dont need to pretend to be someone else,but to just be urself.

I know the above thing would not make much of sense ,and is nothing new , but just wanted to write it down , just wanted to express how self-centered and deceptive this world can sometimes be like ...

"You're going to die a horrible death, remember. It's all good training, and you'll enjoy it more if you keep the facts in mind.
Take your dying with some seriousness, however, laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less advanced lifeforms, and they'll call you crazy."

- RICHARD BACH (Illusions)

"Crap happens"

"A Saturated Mind is the most dangerous thing, that threatens the very existence of an individual. So, Greed is Divine "


Age: 25
Employed: Yes
Organization: Hewlett-Packard
Package: Fat-Purse
Career Ambitions: None !
State of Mind: Rotting filth !
The workplace is filled with different kinds of people, each with their own goals and ambitions in life. People here seem to have set their life goals since they were children and have always seemed to know what they were going to do with their lives while may be few others realized what they wanted in their lives at a later age; however, there are people like me who never really had any plan for life.

Regardless of the reason for losing interest in goals, My mind goes mad over the questions, “What am I doing, what do I want and why am I even here?”
Not having a direction in life, or not knowing what you really want out of life can become troubling over time. Without any goals or real ambitions, doing the same monotonous job might seem fine, though one never really get anything out of it.

I believe as one gets older, it is inevitable one will come to know " Man, I screwed up my Life on this shit-hole, for the whole damn lifetime !".
Since, work takes up a good portion of one’s life, which is why one should be sure they enjoy what they are doing.





My Saturated Mind Said: "The best thing I can think of doing is to keep looking and working until I find the job I am happy with."
The Wild Oppressed Other Half Echoed: "Damn you. Damn your hopes, damn your dreams, damn your plans … damn everything you thought this life was going to bring to you. Now let's go out there and try to make this bitch named`career` happy."

Shit happens, and then you die

The Aimless Psychonaut

I am currently going through a drifting in my life.

Right now, work is slow for me. I don’t have any customer/client wanting to file a defect or enhancement in my product. I am grateful in many ways for the time off–it’s nice to be able to relax a bit and not feel overwhelmed by client needs. This, however, also makes me feel guilty at the same time. I often feel as if I’m not contributing when I’m not working. I’m a product-life-cycle-engineer; I chose this fields because probably i was insane or was incapable of making a better decision. When times are slow, I not only feel like I’m letting down my organization but that I’m not upholding sanity in my life journey.

No pressure, right?

Quite frankly, it makes me even less enthusiastic about my work. And then I feel guilty about not spending time developing my deliverable !

Something struck me recently, with a violent and unrealistic idea - "Quit !"

Yeah, with the new year here, i am trying to shake off the Shackles of being a the Software-Engineer.
With nothing else in mind, neither an alternative job, nor a plan.

" It is like a deep dive into the dark ", as Gandalf says in the movie The Return of the King, “…the deep breath before the plunge.”

As I pass my cubicle every-time, it dawns to me how many years I’ve wasted in it. Now that I am going to free myself of money, why would I continue doing shit-job every day? I would love to take a blue post-it note and write “Resigned” on it and then paste it on the computer screen and to decide that’s the last time I’m going to touch the damn thing. But anyway, on my way out of the office I would stop to take that one more cup of free coffee from the machine.

But i believe, there is something coming for me soon. I can feel it. A new book project, a new idea, a new path–I’m not sure yet what it is, and still I know it will appear in its own good time. For now, I feel excited, when money becomes secondary... Believe me, this is the most exciting thing ever happening to me and i am enjoying it !







I hate Money !

Our Society Is One Big Pyramid Scheme

No matter how you look at it, our society is one big pyramid scheme serving the elite and enslaving masses. None the less, this is nothing new as this scheme has been propagated by the thirteen blood lines that have originated from ancient Babylon who are known to us today as our government. The members of these thirteen blood lines are organized through various secret societies that manipulate our government and administer our society. Their banks are the force that dictate our lives in every single aspect, including: migration, quality of life and freedom. Everyone else outside of these thirteen clans is nothing more that a building block supporting the cap stone at the top. And like with every other pyramid scheme, there are a whole bunch of losers at the bottom.

It all started in Sumeria, the cradle of Mesopotamian civilization over 5,000 years ago and the basic foundation of our civilization today. If you would like to go back even further, there unfortunately isn’t a lot of information about any pre-Sumerian history, but we know that prior to Sumer the the same territory was part of the Harapian empire and most likely these people were of Turanian origin. To name a few accomplishments that the Sumerian civilization gave us, we have: democracy, the wheel, medicine, philosophy, mathematics, money and countless other human inventions that advanced human civilization. Thanks to this great knowledge the Sumerian’s spread all over the world and founded other great civilizations including ancient Egypt. And as is the case today, this knowledge was used for power and evil which lead to a unique form of imperialism.

When conquering foreign lands the Mesopotamians had huge military advantages, including chariots, an organized military and bronze weaponry. Of course, military conquest wasn’t their only method of imperialism, as they also used religion and political subversion to control and subdue foreign powers. Their genius lied in their deception and cunning, where instead of simply taking a new found land, they also assimilated the existing population into their own empire through religion and governance. When I say governance you should take it as enslavement.

Once the Mesopotamians conquered a land they would govern it through a secret society that would recruit members native to the land and the people were then programmed into pacifism by religion that was shoved down their throats. As you see not much has changed to this day as society is still governed by secret societies based on Turanian mysticism known to us as Masonry. Religion is still shoved down our throat promoting pacifism to protect the upper classes from the lower classes. Where the former two are propagated under the guise of righteousness and the ontology that serves it. Even worse, Masonry and religion both explicitly condone slavery, once again serving the upper class agenda.

Slavery has existed since throughout the ages, but in its’ purest form it did not succeed very well in part due to countless slave revolts. So our Masonic masters have evolved slavery into citizenship that is dictated by money. Money was solely invented by the Sumerian civilization to separate the bond between master and slave. The people at the top of the pyramid were given control of all property and resources and the people at the bottom were given freedom, giving them no reason to revolt. There was a catch to this scheme, as the people at the bottom had nothing, forcing them to work for their previous masters for sustenance. Today most of the land and resources are owned by a few and a majority of us are still enslaved by money – nothing has changed.

Yet, the creation of money wasn’t enough to keep order in a two class society: the have’s and have not’s, as revolutions still took place. A buffer was needed, so the middle-class was added to the equation. Creating a middle-class needed more slaves to sustain it, hence colonialization. To protect themselves, Masonic governed countries went on a barbaric conquest pillaging third-world country resource’s which gave rise to our past flourishing societies with a thriving middle-class. And in the U.S. they created a racial buffer by importing black slaves and Mexican pseudo-slaves, but this didn’t work out to nicely as these marginalized groups had a visible ethnic enemy, causing racial tension. Today in Canada this colonialization has gone one step further, taking the form of economic imperialization of poorer countries. Canadians are now happy thanks to the currency enslavement of these third-world countries giving us the quality of life that satisfies the masses thanks to our imported material riches.

The internal Canadian class base is brilliantly engineered thanks to the third-world enslavement and immigration. When putting Canada in context, the country has no long term losers at the bottom of the pyramid thanks to constant influx of immigrants that create a new bottom pyramid layer. In addition to perpetual growth of the pyramid, new immigrants are taken in to higher levels of the pyramid as not to create any racial tension, as was the case in the U.SA. Racial mixing is very important since it prevents the formation of a collusive force that can cause an opposition. In addition, these new immigrants are not selected based on their qualities that would make them a successful citizen, rather they are selected on the need of the pyramid. Immigration is thus highly selective, with race and education being the most important determinants.

To keep the pyramid going, debt and materialism have been added to the equation. Debt is a stressor that is necessary to keep us working harder and when we don’t want to. Materialism is a reward mechanism that justifies our placement in this pyramid scheme. Both of these attributes are indirect and voluntary, yet they are both inevitable. By this mechanism the true nature of the system remains hidden eliminating any opposition from us. As perfect as this system is, it does have its’ flaws.

The side-effects of this pyramid scheme are various and effect all of us to some degree. Capitalism is by far the most grievous product, as it puts a price on everything and quantifies are very existence. The by-product of capitalism is an engineered cyclical economy with an always ready pool of unemployed workers ready to feed the pyramid. In addition, the nepotism and collusion brought about by our Masonic overlords has created a shadowy aristocracy that has removed most of the fundamental aspects needed for a modern progressive society. After years of systemic conditioning this has all been normalized and we now accept and excuse all of the side-effects that this scheme provides.

As you see the Canadian national pyramid scheme works in thanks due its’ upper placement in the global pyramid scheme, so indeed we are lucky thanks to the blood and sweat of the people below us. We are unfortunately oblivious to the fact that our high standard of living is there thanks to the currency enslavement brought about our banks on the people of third-world countries. The worst part of all is that we don’t question the existence and transparency of the secret societies that dictate our lives and the lives we indirectly effect abroad. The truth of the matter is that change will not take place until people in the third-world countries will revolt and decide to work for themselves and not us. Without the bottom layers the pyramid will crumble and the empire will implode. Unfortunately, the puppet governments that we (CIA more precisely) instill will sabotage the product of any revolution. While there is no answer to the evils of a class based society, a foundation for an answer does exist – equality and a global society without classes.


Call me Insane !

~ Thanks Link

Hey there, Do we have a Back-up copy of Earth !

The story we call the environmental crisis is nothing more than a human crisis. If we pay attention, we will hear in it our own story, echoing back to us from a deep horizon.
Learning to listen is so important now because, in a way, we have all recently been blinded. Everyone learns to see the world through the lens of native-culture. For tens of thousands of years, those countless cultures all of them cultivated the natural curiousness of children about the unknown, into knowledgeable adulthood.
At their root, they taught people to see the environment as enchanted, brought to life by an external agent (read it as 'God' or 'Big Bang' as it suits).
This enchanted-place was not called ‘nature,’ or the ‘natural world,’ then. Nor was the immense knowledge of the world people acquired and passed on named ‘the natural sciences.’ Most importantly, cultures accumulated a continuous treasure of beneficial knowledge piled generation upon generation as a whole and recognized the living connection between everything on earth, beneath its soils, above in skies, and in its sweet and salty waters,of the rivers and oceans.
They further connected this with the spirit of life that ran through it all from a Living Source beyond in the realm of the Unseen (atoms - the invisible building blocks). Never would they flatten the cycle of life into a one dimensional chronological line. Never would they sever worldly life from its otherworldly(heavenly) origin, splitting life in two, calling this part “sensible,” and therefore real, and that part “insensible,” and therefore irrelevant.

Because of their holistic understanding of the world themselves in 'Physical-Matter' and 'Physical-Matter' in them, come to them from a Life-Source apart(abiogenesis) they understood that they were to live in it, work from, work with, and on the portion of it in their immediate grasp, and take care of it so that it would remain there for them and their children, grandchildren, and furthest posterity.
They also knew that their offenses against Earth(Physical-Matter) were violations against the Natural-cycle and would inevitably be met with own hand-made disaster directly affecting their vicinity, if left uncorrected.They called this Divine Judgment, or the Knowledge of Unknown(read it as 'God' or 'the Undiscovered science').
Such was the wisdom of man. In only the last few centuries, however, this most basic intelligence and outlook has been lost to us. Steadily, but abruptly, we have accepted to wear lenses that cut life from its Source and ourselves from our own environments. And because of this, we have generation-by-generation killed-off the native curiosity of our children and forgotten how even to live in our own localities.
In the place of the continuum of human knowledge bequeathed to us by our predecessors, we have assumed an incapacitating reliance on mechanized world-spanning control systems for the very bread we put into our mouths, the water we drink, the fire we kindle, the land we live on, the shelter we repose in, even for the cloth to cover our own nakedness.
This humiliating dependence on collectivized, unnatural(dehumanized) enterprise has disabled our hearts. For even if we claim belief in the "Ultimate Source of All" as alive or just matter,nothing changes, we can no longer see the Provider as actually providing.
We look on these interlocking control structures—what modern scientists have accurately called for short, “the system” as giving us our provision. This has proven a most fatal error, for it forfeits the prime human-right: Freedom to verify the single thread of truth running through all reality (Call it the molecules/atoms or quarks or energy or mass ): All else is one fellowship of a Singular-Source (Call it Big-Bang or God): so that man can make of himself, his society, and his environment a living witness to the basic-rules of the One source:which in the end must cycle back into a continuous esthetically of beauty, reflecting the infinite splendor of the sublime process. Herein reside the two qualities upholding the delicate interlace of our earthly human architecture: Dignity and rectitude.
To replace in our hearts a faith ,that earth can be a better place, the All-Living, with a dead matrix is surely the ill-fated exchange which the modern-science decries: What a barbaric transaction? It strips men of their mutual respect, or responsibility, making Gods by Dozens and Scores out of material-matter, exploiters and ravenous blood-letters and when the civilized Aliens would see this in us, perhaps on the pattern of the unknown, destroyed vicegerents of the earth our kind may have succeeded - These Aliens would spit on our faces, and call us a disgrace to the Universe, we will be a life that are not worth to live on a planet that provided everything, and still the greedy-man wanted for more and raped the planet.

Believing that the system that caused man to abandon his trust, to care for the environment. It renders him unconscious that all things on the earth—the animals, plants, elements, and minerals—the earth, mountains, and sky themselves—are consciously alive by the touch of the very scientific terms (atoms buzzing around everywhere), communicating and complying with the momentary command of the One Sublime, though we may not perceive their discourse and actions.
It tricks man into substituting mere crumbs falling from the lowly table of market-interest for the opulent grace of the morality, and thereby to upset the Heavenly Control-System, the delicate balance of the very Universe, that originally set and then bequeathed to care us.

P.S:
----

Post Inspirations: "An Inconvenient Truth" and "The 11th Hour"


Global warming is the bigger issue, which is eclipsed by smaller issues like Religion, War and Swine-Flu.

~ Insanity in individuals is something rare, but in groups, politics, nations and epochs it is the rule

The Ugly FlashBack - Episode II

August 12th 2006:

At Bangalore much new people to meet around young men and women(..??) from kolkata.. Hyderabad and far, though the place is good(for sleeping ..apart from training), it stretches from 9 morning to evening 6 and the bangalore traffic is like hell..!!
I did a little shoppin, electric-iron, lashy sports shoes, socks and couple of other items.

And I could assume to know about how things are at other offices , but a lot of people smoke at my office.
Like recently we had this meeting and the guy sitting to my right started smoking . And I am thinking "Sigh . All a part of work ." Then the guy to my left lights up a stick and I am thinking "Cough Cough . An oxygen mask should be on my next shopping list ."

We had a break after a demo-project, Within a short time , 4 ( and we had a total of 7 guys in that meeting ) are blowing around smoke and I am thinking "What number do we dial for the fire brigade ?".
When the meeting ended , I ran out , took in huge lung fills of non-polluted air, and thanked mother nature for trees and emission norms.

Being a non smoker ( to say the truth i have tasted once Long Long time Ago OUT OF CURIOSITY.) but i am being here is like being a mickey mouse in a pub full of rough leather clad bikers.(True, it was shocking to watch a couple of ladies among the smoke).
Infact a lot of outsiders expect me to smoke since I work at a software company, seems to be a mandatory requirement for being a Software engineer....!!
(Somewhere i read SMOKING IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH, and oh yeah it was on the cigarette carton!!)

Anyway, in other, not so smoky events, I purchased an electric iron recently .
I went to a home appliances shop to do that . I walk to the guy behind the counter and say "You got electric irons ? " .
The guy stares at my face for what seemed the duration of a test match and grunts something in kannada, Sensing a little communication gap , I start making huge horizontal swipes with my right arm to depict a typical cloth ironing action, his eyes light up and he promptly leads to me a counter selling teflon coated non stick kitchenware to a couple of overfed housewives,
It is embarassing for any 22 year old to be found in the teflon coated non stick kitchenware section of a home appliances shop with a couple of heavy women and a kannadiga shop keeper, It was like a moment of realisation for me, which passed soon enough anyway.
After touring four shops and being shown a lot of things from juice dispensers to stoves to music players, I finally bought a little electric iron .
I guess my domestication process from a who-cares-guy-in-college to a single-chap-living-alone-at-other-end-of-country is reflected well by the type of things I am buying these days

but..!! ...DO really people die if they smoke..???

Anyway.. who cares.. . I haven't begun to suffer from nightmares involving dead people chasing me while electric-pole sized cigarettes fly around in the background. But yeah , as a personal choice , I don't support smoking .
I don't smoke and won't want my kids to smoke , unless If i work for a Cigarette company..!!



~ Insane's Insanely Insane Notes
(Ripped it off from: Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes )

The Ugly FlashBack - Episode I

July 26th 2006:

I am sitting on my bed in my room right now.I see around and see empty bookshelves and an empty wardrobe,Sona insitute library slips , old-newspapers and magazines , notebooks , empty wafers, polythene bags and chocolate wrappers , strewn across the floor. And i see a britney spears picture pasted on my cupboard door.I had cut it out from the friday supplement of THE HINDU some time back.Dont get me wrong , a pretty decent picture it is , you sit down with popcorn and watch it for hours with your family.

And i also see a big VIP a smaller VIP case , and a blazing Blue Reebok Travel Bag.I have managed to stuff almost all my clothes ,some travel-books, and my compact disks into them.
The "call taxi" would arrive at 4:30 PM and the inter-city Express leaves at 5 pm to take me to Bangalore.
Surely it doesn't feels nice to know that I wud be away from home and friends.

Even though I would spend a greater part of my time sleeping in front of PC, It wont feel nice that I wouldn't be able to see MY people, I loved every morning and night here , and have the food cooked by Ammi , and lie over clean floor watching TV hang out with college pals.They are Just 'Memories' Now...

College is very few of the places where without much pain, involves a lot of running around,carrying around a gunny-BAG, everytime I looked down I felt, with a blank mind, "LIfe is just so fun, eh".

I Still Remember that Fateful-Day - when responsibility was yoked on my shoulders and a label was stuck on my forehead "Successfully Transisioned from youth to manhood", the date: 15th March-2005.
I stood outside the interview room all day , wearing a clean-shirt, dark blue trousers and shoes(OUCH..!!).I had to maintain the myself waiting in working condition , helping myself with water , advice from seniors and nerve soothing actions. Still Being on my mind as a default setting...!!

Obviously , there would be someone very dear whom I would still miss after the selection procedure..!!


So, here I am about to go BANGALORE.


~ Insanis Notstalgis

Bangalore-100

Disclaimer: This post is purely a work of fiction, and resemblance to any Insane living or dead is co-incidental .

“The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.” I agree with the second part. - Ernest Miller Hemingway

Life was always sucking out 'Sanity' from my mind and its rate had doubled ever since i landed in Bangalore.

Act-I

Time: 26th July 2006
Location: ChikAdugodi, 7th Cross, Madivala.
Mission: Hunting for a room
Scene Members: A Couple of my college mates,and House Agent.

After two day sessions and all that sick process of getting into an Insanely Accepted and Socially Respected "IT Industry", time was being wasted to hunt down a room.
I had never stayed away from home, particularly not for a longer period. Luckily my first job posting was just a 5 hours drive for my Home.
We Finally settled down for a house, it was crappy, dull and had a moist smell. But that's what you get for a monthly rental of 5000 bucks sharing with 5 other lunatics.
The House-owner was a middle aged lady, and had three children and a Messy dog - who could lick anything ( I would have blow-ed that animal apart if i had a shot gun - thanks to Serious Sam ) we heard that she was married but we never in our stay got to meet her husband.
We had to pay the broker 2500 bucks or so for that Animal-Farm.
I was in a really bad mental state living there - may be because, i am now considered to be a grown up man, and also have morphed into a money churning machine in society's view - i hated my part there, i failed a couple of Training Exams and barely made it through to get into a project. Partly because, I just hated Myself for landing myself in an occupation - that didn't interested or challenged me.
The Manager was a Total Sucker and i was not at all inclined toward my occupation in my 18 months of working period at Electronics City, Bangalore.
I also happened to get in touch with a bunch of losers - who dreamed of landing USofA the very next day they were let into a project.
The House owner was getting increasingly bossy - the other part - i was never able to figure out what i was working on, in for my whole stay at the first company.
Meanwhile we moved out in to a house located nearer to my office, Bangalore-100.

Act-II

Time: 12th December 2007
Location: Mahadevpura,Whitefield Road.
Baseline: Looking for a new job.
Scene Members: Few people waiting at the bus-stop.

I was increasingly getting frustrated with my term at the current company, I had a couple of emotional outbursts with my seniors there - I knew that it would finally screw-up my performance evaluation. I had applied for a transfer to Chennai, which was a nasty drama - moved to Chennai - after which i was thrown back to the office at same old location --> Bangalore-100.
I wanted to Quit my current Organization.
And here i was in front of one of the most admired Software Organization in the world, waiting for my interviewer to call me in. I was seated near a Peepal tree ( It can uptake CO{-2} during the night as well with its their ability to perform a type of photosynthesis called Crassulacean Acid Metabolism, -- Also I believe it was the same type of tree under which Gauthama Buddha was enlightened )

I was selected after a brief interview - which i didn't do quite well technically, but my attitude played a supporting part there.

And now One Year since i have joined this World renowned Organization, but i still feel nothing has changed much - except for a big pocket to hold larger amount of salary.
A lot of stuff happened, in this period
- Had read through completely about a half-a-dozen books and dropped a score of them in mid-way .
- Watched some 70 movies ( DVDs, TV or Screen )
- Fluctuating interest in T20 and EPL. ( Sometimes i watched them and sometimes i didn't )
- Added 15 KGs to my body-frame and started looking like an Ultimate Loser.
- Got a new Sony Ericsson Mobile ( Tried being a Cybershot Addict - Clicking anything and everything )
- Got a second hand bike, also had a recent accident which left a person injured enough not to work for atleast a month.I had to change my mobile number after that incident.
- Tried to create a charity group with my So Called Friends or whatever, which i feel is eventually failing to hold itself.
- With the increasing chaos in the job market,and the international debt-cycle: Banks Crashing out, Auto sales down, companies bankrupt, jobs slashed,oil barrel doing a roller coaster, more job cuts, pay cuts, and S-H-I-T..!!

Sometimes makes me wonder - i am not having a life at all. I am just doing all this because it would make my parents and the society feel - i am responsible guy !!

But the insanely worse thing is - I don't really know what i must be doing..!
Money doesn't interests me - Girls (Nah..!!) - My mom is exponentially getting aggressive in getting me a bride by every week passing.

I am right now living at the same old location " Bangalore-100", May be i waited for "something to happen to me, by itself - like a miracle" - that would try to give me a direction or path to take upon or atleast improve my condition.
But i am learning that "You can waste a lot of time waiting for others to act for you."

Theology - God - Blog - Society - Money - Books - Orkut - Family - Friends - Girls - Religion - Politics - Art - Occupation - Reality Shows(Which are so dramatic and unreal..!) - Music - almost everything seems to be disconnected from me - I am floating in a Dark darK space with nothing to hold on to, nothing in sight, nothing to think : sometimes i was forced into believing that i don't even exist.

One of my school guy, who too worked at my old office, had quit the job to take up something he liked ( or may be he thinks that he likes it ) - Travel and Writing.

Things around me just don't make me happy anymore - i just Act to be happy - Act to laugh - Act to be working - Act to be.. What not..!!

May be i am a naturally successful, or i am impossibly lucky (or unlucky !) to have been born (Fighting away more than a million probabilities of a different child - who would have been my brother or sister - I would have been happier to have lost the race - But the Mad flagella wagged itself to reach - You know.. ) and reach this So called Great Position. which the society acknowledges " It points at me - Look out there is the Software Engineer, Do you know his package??--40K!!, He is a hard working and studious guy, Learn from him". DAMN the society and Damn Life.

I am just a coward, drained and yellow - lost and with nothing to interest me. But still that does leaves me an option of becoming a Aghori Sadhu, But my problem doesn't end there - I simply don't want to Exist in this Bullshit world of Money, Lust, Religion, Divide, Borders, Envy, Sloth, Hunger, Gluttony, Greed, War, Guilt, Pride, Wrath, Hate, Immorality, Disease,and Racism.
I am sending out a message to the Aliens " Please Abduct Me..!!, i am ready to be your Lab Mouse"

~ Hey you guys out there - Insanely, the sickest post ever ? : Whoa don't breathe - i have loads more.

Qualia

This is a simple concept, in the programmer's term: idea is an interface between the mind and the object. Without the interface the idea and the mind cannot connect.

For most solipsists ( People who believe that, their mind is the only thing that exists - someone like me ) the question of external world is an interesting explanation.
They believe, mind is an immaterialistic-fabric and that is the only thing to ever exist, all the other things in the external environment are just objects with which the mind can interface using an Idea!

So, another question springs up here: What of the other people in the environment, who have their own minds!! - According to the solipsist there is only one rule:"My mind is the only thind that exists all other minds are not minds but objects instead, which inturn can be connected/interfaced using an idea"

Since every "Mind" is aware that they are alive in reality only when they are capable of generating ideas/thoughts, this sub-plot present an unusual and fascinating twist on the concept - to explain it better i ll quote Mart Twain's "The Mysterious Stranger" of Eseldorf ( Esel = stupid ; dorf = village ; syn: village of stupid people )

"..In a little while you will be alone in shoreless space, to wander its limitless solitudes without friend or comrade forever--for you will remain a thought, the only existent thought, and by your nature inextinguishable, indestructible. But I, your poor servant, have revealed you to yourself and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better!...You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present; you should have recognized them earlier. It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream - a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you( as a thought ). And you are but a thought - a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!"

Scary, but more realistic than the reality itself that you perceived.!

Well then,"How can you notice that you were dreaming? Only by awakening from your dream. So, how can you awake from your life?". All you Zombies.!
You are the thought that rules the universe, but you are in such a state of worldy penace , to the extent that you are unaware that you rule the universe or even, in fact, that the universe exists.

Following this concept, defining death would be easier: The point where your mind ceases to generate ideas, it may be because of the follwoing reason: A mind that reaches self-awareness, it understands that it does not exist as Mr.XYZ or Ms.PQR, instead that as a thought itself, all matter, pain, age, disease would mean nothing - no point in existing as a thought if you know this ultimate reality!. Moksha. The mind just pushes its self-destruction button and poof.! - Defining Death. You are God, you are the universe, You are a Thought, you are a mind.

These things doesn't seem to be in common-sense, but that is what solipsism is about.-Mind and Insanity- everyone is insane, until his thoughts exists - because sanity would be attained only when the mind dies.

Don't you know that Dogs dream ?, they of course think and generate thoughts!

Many a times your mind would have tricked your brain, by making you believe an action which is happening to you at that instance for very first time, would seem to have happened sometime in past or for a micro-second you belived that its weird to explain, but say it this way:

- Monday, 27th, 2017: There is a flash/dream of Mr.XYZ going to strange place and getting a banana from market, and there he notices this old lady with green outfit smiling at him.. Poof! Dream over.

--- Note this point: Mr.XYZ doesn't remembers or is unable to recall the dream after he wakes up. And he goes on with his normal life. That evening he gets an urgent call asking him to visit his client at india. He has never been to india ever before.He leaves to india. --

- Thursday,30th, 2017: Mr.XYZ finsihes off the work and moves to have a look around. He feels hungry and looks over to have a snack, he reaches a market nearby, and first thing he notices is a ripe banana, he goes for it with strange feeling that, this has happened to me before... and next i would see a smiling-lady, before he completes his thought, a store lady, wearing a green-outfit smiles at him and asks, "Sir, how could i help you..!"

--- This makes no sense, but whats all this wierd stuff all about ?

See, all this science, religion, god, career, family, friends, television wall these worldly things are just figments, that your mind is learning, and until it learns itself, it would exist.

Okay Mister, I agree but what of the people/minds that die of accident: "They don't die instead your mind generates a thought that he is dead": and Your Mind is insane.

"It hated me because I talked to it."

"You TALKED to it?" exclaimed Ford. "What do you mean you talked to it?"

"Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself
into it's external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length,
and explained my view of the universe to it, " said Marvin.

"And what happened? " pressed Ford.

"It committed suicide, " said Marvin.


Thanks,
_http://tutrin.com/
_The_Hitchhiker's_Guide_to_the_Galaxy

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Ever come across someone who is confused - and the one who approaches a third person for the decision he has to make - we always come across someone like that, and provide our suggestion on choosing a mobile phone, neck-ties, shoes and whatever.

I have come across the eunuch stories right from my childhood, Arjuna's Curse in Mahabharatha, and in School History books "Allauddin Khilji and his believed to be lover an eunuch, Mailk-kaffur (that ruthless military brat)".

I have always hated the Eunuchs, Hijras as they are called in India.
I believed them to be very confused beings, they are so confused that they don't even know their sexual identity..! (They are either males acting as females or the other way)

But that hate was anchored in ignorance, because I never knew that something called Intersexuality existed ever, being handicapped like blind, born without limbs, was all i knew - i never thought that a person could be born with a condition that could affect his sexual identity -  This condition is known as True hermaphroditism in medical terms.

And why am i posting on this Controversial Topic..!!, The reason...

".. A few days back i was waiting at Silk-Board junction (Bangalore), the signal was "DON'T WALK". Right then I got a call from one of my friends, with so much involved in the conversation - i accidentally stepped out to cross the road with a belief that the signal has changed - and suddenly a strong grip pulled me back onto the platform, and in seconds a biker whizzed past me - and stared me back. Probably he had showered some words of praise for me.
I turned to thank my saviour... and i immediately pull off my hand. It was an Hijra(Third Gender). (S)He looked straight down at me, i avoided eye contact and moved on.

I had moved a few steps, and something inside me said that i was rude and not fair. I turned back to look at my saviour, and (S)He was nowhere to be found.I thought,"I should have atleast mumbled a Thanks to that Hijra".
I had directed hate towards such people blindly - because i thought they are not moral, i had experience during my college-trip to Hyderabad, where the third-sex had harassed my fellow classmates, and demanded money.

But, not all are the same - i understood then".

I checked on web to find out what stuff they actually are, and finally found something to learn about.

Most of these people are thrown out of their families and society, they are looked down as an out-cast and alien.With no where to go, they end up begging/harassing for money or as prostitutes.May be they have very few options to choose.

And i realised that there is nothing to hate about them.

And i wondered what of this following case,
(1) People born with proper parts (reproductive-system),
(2) But they have no lust for women, and
(3) They have lust for men.

:The Homosexuals? -  "I believed they are of people - with their hormones gone wild somewhere " - because I saw man & woman make natural partners and the contrary position seem unacceptable partially because in India homosexuality in society is shunned & as from a Muslim perspective homosexuality is considered prohibited, like other prohibitions of consuming intoxicants, sex outside marriage, consuming pork, etc.

Complexity is one of the most intiguing factor - that fascinate humans to search for knowledge.I have had a dosage of a complex-idea.Finally i got the difference -

- People born with improper/indistinguishable reproductive system.
- People born perfectly alright - but with some hormonal imbalance (Gays,Lesbo,Bi and Transgenders)



Mona Ahmed to Dayanita Singh (Author): " I am the third sex, not a man trying to be a woman. It is your society's problem that you only recognize two sexes ".







With social movements campainging for recognition for a third sex, and in 2005, Indian passport application forms were updated with three gender options: M, F, and E (for male, female, and eunuch, respectively).

~ Vikruti Evam Prakriti (what seems un-natural is also natural)
(Rig Veda)

Life and Lighter moments

Two years in bangalore and i can speak less than 10 words in kannada.


---- The One in the Bus ----

This was the conversation that went on with a guy who travelled along with me in a local bus (BMTC, they say):

[Looking out of the window - was dreaming possibly,or just sitting dumb. The seat next to me was empty. A guy came and sat next to me. I gave him a second-look and continue with the dreaming: out through the window]

[ After sometime he tapped on my shoulder and asked:]

Guy: Ee Bus-stop Hesaru ?? Bus yelli Ogathe ??

[ After giving him a long look, which increased his expectations of getting a positive answer ]

Me: Sorry - Kannada Gothilla..!! [ That meant "I don't understand Kannada" in Kannada ]

[ His face color turned immediately changed, and he gave me a wicked look and may be would have quoted in his mind, "What the hell..!! ]

[ I turned towards the window and my dreaming continued ]


---- The one in the Mobile Store ----

[ With low balance in my account, i needed to recharge my connection to make any further calls. I walked into the retailer - a long walk from my room and the following dialog happened. I managed in English/Hindi, while the shop man sticked to Kannada - ]

Me : Hutch E-Recharge - 60 rupees top-up.

Shopkeeper: What's ur mobile number ?? [ in kannada ]

Me: Oh, one minute [ i tried recollecting it, but i cant... I forgot my mobile number, it is logical - why should one need to remember his own number - you can't call yourself..!! - i tried recollecting, but in vain - i struck on a thought.. and spoke to the shop keeper ]

Me: What's ur mobile number ?? [ He looked puzzled, with a look " Is this guy NUTS..!" - but anyway he gave his number without any questions]

[ i called to that number from my mobile -- My number Flashed across his screen ]

Me: Recharge this number ?

[ The shop keeper did the job with a cool smile - "Hey, i am a genius " --- but i memorized my mobile number after this incident, all shop keepers won't give their number ]


Insane Advice: - You don't have to be a Roman to be in Rome.

The Singing Toilets

The sprite bottle in my hands was unable to rest.The clear liquid with sparkling bubbles was tempting me, while my tongue rolled around in an effort to reach the bottle's mouth and give it a tight-lipped kiss - thereby it would feel some heaven.

The sun was was waging a losing battle, but still was beating up the bus with a fierce force, the dusty road made the traveling worse, it was a difficult one to decide, but i had to make the move.



I twisted open the bottle cap and it gave out a sweet sound - releasing the gas inside. It was a simple kiss - and the throat blessed me.



The bus swayed right and left gently and entered the 'Motel'. I got out for an important conversation with the nature and i sensed a sour smell coming from the other corner - i proceeded towards it.

As i was about to get nearer, i took a deep breath and held on - with a hope of supporting enough oxygen to keep my brain functioning- before i would faint off there.

I entered the specially designed rectangular cubical, stood there and P***ed a beautiful parabola, i felt the cool wind blew through my zipper - though thankful, i could imagine how that wind would have smelled. I zipped back, turned quickly and moved away gasping for air, it was a straining exercise - and i hated p***ing every time there.



Meanwhile a vendor over the other end - switched on the sound system, it was a nice song from the movie 'Mayavi', i started making steps towards the bus and i heard strange voices behind me...



The vendor switched to a next song - this time too it followed me, i stood there puzzled - questioning myself -what the hell is this?

The newly switched song " Ulaga Nayaganey.." from Dasavatharam was echoing and i could hear about twelve to fifteen times the same line with a minute gap of few Milli-seconds.


My brain started working on this, and found the answer - the sound system was in exact opposite position to the `toilet-cubicals` and the echo had a strange effect on me, i felt the toilets were singing in their own voice and Himesh's music was already being pissed over.



Well, if the Beauty (of - Walt Disney's`Beauty and the Beast` fame ) can have a speaking tea-pot, a pendulum clock and co. - i wondered,why not singing toilets..!!

~ You know, fairy god-mother is as insane as a wet cat.

The Coconut Groove

STATUARY WARNING: CIGARETTE SMOKING IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH

STATUARY ERROR: ALCOHOL INTAKE WILL MAKE YOU INSANE.

The blazing sun, piercing the gaps in window was baking up my bed. I lay there half-awake, with terrible pain - i felt some invisible giant hammering my head.I was feeling sick.

The Reason.....

One of my best friend returned home from Dubai for a vacation, he is working there as an Electical Engineer for a Construction Giant (All day long i dream of doing something like that).

He dropped to visit me on saturday, and now the usual scenario - " What does two friends do when they meet after a pretty long gap ? " - Party is the Answer.

The elements in the atmosphere were ready for explosion. A Noon-Movie. Blow up money on Marlboro and More. Then came the final piece- Saturday night Pub.!

We roamed around the packed streets of Brigade road and it's tributaries. Beautiful maidens, Macho guys - 'with a Tom Cruise look', Of course Aunties and Strays (Oops..!!) funneling throught the available gaps and making their way through for some purpose or nothing.

The Flashy-Lights Opposite the "Amoeba" (People in Bangalore would know that..!) instantly hypnotised us, we were dragged into the cave - the name was " Coconut Groove".

Impressive place - Carnatic music playing around, but i was not able to find the source of music - no external speakers.

A man clad in Dhoti and Kurta showed up and placed a card over our table. "Foster's" called my fried. "Uh..Hmmm... A Mug Beer" i said.

That was how we started - and how it ended, please don't ask me.

The dinner on the table, half eaten - four bottles lay dead across the table - One empty packet of 555 and Marlboro with three pieces in the carton.The foreigners at the far end of the restaurant were staring us - like, we are some insects from outer space making them feel out of the place - The ladies around looked very poor, it seemed that they couldn't afford to buy themselves a good pair of clothes, revealing almost every curve, except for few private parts covered up with translucent material moreover the dim lighting was the villain else the show would have been better, - The bill - somewhere around that would make both of our pockets empty, and the tips - i don't remember giving that.

When we walked out, the streets once filled with activity was appearing desolate. "How about a ride" i asked.... " Yeah... Hic-Cup..!! - ride in the BMTC" he replied, we waited near the Trinity Circle for one of the last buses opearing at that dark hours.I seated myself on the platform, my head going heavy... I knew, i wasn't heavily drunk - but the beer made me sick.We got into the bus and i instantly dozed off.

..... The Sun was burning my Butt*. It was difficult for me to get-up, - I felt like everything around me is like a dream - some kind of "Out of Body Experience" floating outside myself inside the room, suddenly i felt someone kick my back, i tried figure out - My roomie, "Dei Kudikaara, Unga Veetla irundhu Phone... Handing out my mobile to me, It echoed "Mom Calling" - Shit.... i took the phone dropped it into my pockets - moved to the washroom, with guilt screaming inside me. I didn;t took the call, it kept begging me to press that Green button - I didn't.

It was in late sunday evening - i called back my mom, the dialogue went on okay.... thanks for the Lemon pieces that i rubbed over my tongue, I was feeling better after the Hangover.

~ I was forced to add those Warnings: Ramadoss won't be happy otherwise. ;)

Insane Quote - "“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”

Driving me Nuts.

My main prob is that I hate sitting indoors at my desk, in front of a low quality monitor with depressing fluorescent lights overhead, 8 or 9 hours a day, Mon - Fri. I just turned 23 and it feels like work is sucking my life away. Really don't want to be one of those people who dread going to work everyday, but do it all the same for the money, and before you know it, your life is almost over! Am I being too idealistic or flighty?? I trust that some of the folks on here might be able to offer me some advice, or at least give me some food for thought and welcome any constructive criticism you may throw my way.

Cobblestone Runway

"Former Glory"

The Amazing period of time - when i was in my school, was the best part of my life.

I was recognized by almost everyone there, i was happy when so many people were interested in me, "Everybody Loved Me and then Everybody Disappeared".

"These Days"

Almost Lacking the spirit and enthusiasm that once almost filled my body with every inch, the young and confident me, bubbling with energy is lost in the crowd.The crowd,where the neighbour doesn't cares who lives the next door.

"Least That I Can Do"

See my family happy, that i have transformed from a helpless crying infant into a succesful Man right before their eyes.Gift myself with a smile when i see kids on street playing with marbles, school going kids enjoying rain - where as the grown-ups run for cover.

"God Loves Everyone"

I know how spoilt i was as a kid ~ the meanest and nastiest kid on the block. Bullying around.Liar.Thief.Adamant.Revengeful.Violent.Crazy.Disobedient. But God loved me for the everything i shouldn't have been, He didn't had to show any aversion towards me.He still Loved me.

"Disappearing Act"

My first job.Great expectaions.Launchpad for a great career.They were short lived.One solid year passed by.My co-joinees - i saw them begin to settle in a specific area and specialize it.Meanwhile i was juggled on the basis of requirement.Some say you've got to lose to win.I hoped for,my luck to stumble in.But,I had to do something to avoid being treated like a Twelfth man.I chose to do a 'Disappearing Act'.I broke away from Bangalore and moved to Chennai with nothing but hope.And i knew, my hope would be tested.

"For a Moment There"

For a moment I swore - I knew where i was going.Never Knowing.If it would go anywhere.
I should have waited - my heart told me. May be i should have done that earlier - my mind ordered me.The current patch would be the most difficult and i must be cautious is what i could understand.

"Gold in Them Hills"

Every new challenging situation is a new hill to climb.With a new adventure in mind.Exploring for the treasure - a gold mine.You won't get anything unless you make a move.Worrying won't get you anywhere, Move out of your comfort zone.There is Gold ! Gold ! everywhere, and you must know that gold doesn't walks - No one knows how the day might end.You may not wake up tomorrow.But,Tomorrow never comes!!

"Heart's Desire"

A lovely hut.A carefree life.Food for thought and something to be alive.A Sleep on the meadows and gazing the heavens at night.Grazing the cattle and feeding the hens.Wealth means nothing.Friends always there for me and just peace of mind.
A ferrai to drive.No time to say 'Hi'.Medicines for health.3 hours of sleep.Gazing the Liquid Crystals.Fortune with no future.Complaining everything and blaming everyone.Running all the way to school till grave.With no knowledge of who are friends and who are not.

~ Just a Century passed since 1900 and then everything had to change.

"Dragonfly in the Bush"

Buzzing around from bush to bush.He took a wrong turn and was lost without trace.The sticky tongue, doing the damage.What is the competition? - It is all or Nothing at all. Just like us?-In the crowd without a face.

"The Less I Know"

It is a waste of time.To analyze what i know.I knew less,but the less i knew - was meaningful.It is just confusion now, with nowhere to go.Love can bring me back.And no one to Love and and nobody loves.The whole picture is fake.Now I know more, and i wish i knew less.

"Up the Road"

A quarter century rolls by.Retirement on edge.Driving up the road with my partner. A drive along the Manhatttan.I heard that my daughter had married in India.The stars on the horizon greeting the evening, and sun sinking in the west.The time would soon come - to say good bye.With memories intact and they being the only source of link to mother and motherland.

"Best Friends"

She cried over my coffin, she had shared her life with me.I always wanted to see - Who cries when i would be gone.My soul watching my lifeless corpse being transported back to my own land.And so it arrived there, the dead and dumb 'myself'.Pushed into a grave that i might be sharing with a lot many buried before me in the same place,new friends - i said to myself.But some six or seven people standing six feet above and dropping the moist soil over my dead myself.Their eyes were moist as well.I said to my newfound grave-friend over his hairy-beard, "You see there - They were my best friends".



P.S:
----
This post was inspired from the Musical Album "Cobblestone Runway" , by a canadian artist Ron Sexsmith.And each Paragraph is the title from that album(But the words inside are of course mine).Frankly, i haven't listened to them, but the lyrics i came across was filled with soul and freshness.This post may resemble a bombed Art film, but i was happy typing down this, i wanted to believe that i am a poet and then the thoughts began to assemble and flow, just like a river.

Time Travel, Universe and Invisibility ~ An Insane's Debate.

I had grown up watching dumb english movies, and reading science-fiction books and comics.
I hope that is an integral part of everyone's transition to adult-hood.

Now, there are a few concepts that i am going to inter-relate with my little understanding on Space and Time.

There had been continuous makes and remakes, and remakes of remakes going on in the film industry, one of them being "The Time Machine".

One book that everyone would have known about,the famous H.G.Wells Classic "The Time Machine" had kindled my thoughts to make this post.

Time travel though looks an easy task on the book, is really a complex idea to comprehend.

Okay, now coming to my simple thought that will transform into a series of questions in next few lines,

The Big-bang hypotheses was the beginning of Time and Space (as i have understood).

Now, this is clear right..?

Coming to time travel,

Time travel as mentioned can be journeyed into future as well as past, consider a plan that a journey is being undertaken on time machine through past, so if i am to debate on this situation, If there is a certain way to travel to past, then there is a solid chance to travel to the Beginning,
travel to the time before the event of Big bang..!!

So, well i am not able to justify any conclusion on this post.... but it really gives me a lot of doubts.

• What was the origin of Bigbang?
• What happened before Bigbang?
• Why did the Bigbang had to happen in the first place? (Why not a 'Small Pop')
• So, if matter existed as a dense unstable mass of hot sphere before going Bang, where did that matter come from?
• With the sphere exploding and throwing out quarks, galaxies,nebulae and stuffs like that and later sun growing out from a dust of that gigantic explosion, earth being hit by asteroids and comets during her initial years, and if so.... did life came into earth by a series of accidents..????

Ah, and one more thing,let me think, what happens when light falls on any object, it throws up a shadow - Simple..!! - But your body is built of tightly packed atoms, mostly of cabon and hydrogen.Light is actually dual natured, behaves as a wave as well as a particle.

So if light as a wave or particle hits you(the atoms in your body), it definitely has a chance to pass through you..!! (Remember sound waves and microwaves can still passs through you - so the question is what if light is a wave ?)

So, if the light do passes through you, You become transparent - that is Invisible, Bingo..!!!

Now, Enough playing around - forget this and get back to work.

~ Bless Einstein and Hawkings.(And lot of people there and before who tried,... Being different ~ Being Insane..!!)