I am currently going through a drifting in my life.
Right now, work is slow for me. I don’t have any customer/client wanting to file a defect or enhancement in my product. I am grateful in many ways for the time off–it’s nice to be able to relax a bit and not feel overwhelmed by client needs. This, however, also makes me feel guilty at the same time. I often feel as if I’m not contributing when I’m not working. I’m a product-life-cycle-engineer; I chose this fields because probably i was insane or was incapable of making a better decision. When times are slow, I not only feel like I’m letting down my organization but that I’m not upholding sanity in my life journey.
No pressure, right?
Quite frankly, it makes me even less enthusiastic about my work. And then I feel guilty about not spending time developing my deliverable !
Something struck me recently, with a violent and unrealistic idea - "Quit !"
Yeah, with the new year here, i am trying to shake off the Shackles of being a the Software-Engineer.
With nothing else in mind, neither an alternative job, nor a plan.
" It is like a deep dive into the dark ", as Gandalf says in the movie
The Return of the King, “…the deep breath before the plunge.”
As I pass my cubicle every-time, it dawns to me how many years I’ve wasted in it. Now that I am going to free myself of money, why would I continue doing shit-job every day? I would love to take a blue post-it note and write “Resigned” on it and then paste it on the computer screen and to decide that’s the last time I’m going to touch the damn thing. But anyway, on my way out of the office I would stop to take that one more cup of free coffee from the machine.
But i believe, there is something coming for me soon. I can feel it. A new book project, a new idea, a new path–I’m not sure yet what it is, and still I know it will appear in its own good time. For now, I feel excited, when money becomes secondary... Believe me, this is the most exciting thing ever happening to me and i am enjoying it !
I hate Money !
